Out of Control
by JT73
Summary: After the cancelled wedding of Miranda, Arizona starts to act weird. She hurts Callie without wanting to and sometimes seems to have no control over the words she says. Is it just 'cause she's exhausted because of the last months? Is she getting sick? Or is there another, maybe very bad explanation for her behavior?
1. Chapter 1 - I hate you!

The pain was intense. She couldn't say what hurt more; the actual hit or the fact that the person she loved the most on the world would do something like that to her.**  
**She sunk to the ground, starting to sob and burying her hurting face into her hands. **  
**But why was she even complaining? She had definitely deserved that blow after what she had said to her.

* * *

_**Two days earlier:**_

"Erm... it's possible that I may have by mistake said that if she had any doubts she should flee," Callie admitted.**  
****"**What!? Why?" Arizona and Meredith asked in the same moment.**  
****"**Well, I kind of said that..."**  
**_I can't believe Calliope had done something like that! _Arizona thought angrily. _She knew exactly how unsure Bailey was about the wedding the last few days. How could she say something like that to her? _**  
**But the situation worsened greatly when Ben entered the room and seemed to have heard everything they had just talked about.**  
**_What if Callie really has ruined the whole wedding? I think I wouldn't be able to forgive her something like that... She's a horrible person! _Arizona raged internally.

"How nervous was she?" the harsh and at the same time disappointed tone in Ben's voice made Arizona jolt out of her thoughts. When Callie wasn't able to answer his question, Meredith took him by the hand and led him out of the room, leaving Arizona and Callie alone. **  
**Callie glanced at her girlfriend in shock. "Do you really think I destroyed the wedding with what I said to Bailey?" her voice was broken and tears started to well up in her eyes.**  
**_What is wrong with me? How could I even think for a second that it was Callie's fault? She is the most wonderful woman I have ever met and she definitely has a heart of gold. She would never do something like that, and she is NOT a horrible person._**  
**Callie was relieved when Arizona took her into a warm embrace. And while she hugged her beautiful Latina tightly, Arizona was shocked at her earlier thoughts. **  
**_What the hell is wrong with me? _

* * *

They had waited two more hours for the wedding to start before they decided to go home. **  
**Callie and Arizona drove home in silence, Callie still thinking about the possibility that she had ruined a wedding and Arizona trying to create some order from the thoughts in her mind.**  
****"**Callie," Arizona said in a warm tone, "stop worrying about it. I know there is an explanation for why Miranda didn't show up. And I know that it's not you or what you said to her."**  
****"**I really hope you are right about that," Callie replied, giving her wife a thankful glance before a smile spread across her face "But aside from that, you really look amazing in that dress baby!" **  
****"**STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!" Arizona shouted all of a sudden.**  
**Callie slammed on the brakes in shock. Thank God they weren't on the highway but in a small street with no cars behind them.**  
**_Stupid bitch! _Arizona thought angrily. _How can she say that right now? I am trying to comfort her and she is bringing up this topic again!? It is the first time in months that I didn't think about this stupid leg, so what was she thinking?_**  
****"**Arizona, what the hell? Did I say something wrong?" Callie was still shocked at her wife's sudden outburst and tried desperately to figure out what she possibly could have said to trigger it.

_Did she say something wrong? Doesn't she get it? She is getting on my nerves with all her questions. That look on her face every time she sees my leg and the constant attempt to make me forget that I am ugly... I hate her for that!_**  
****"**I hate you Calliope!" The four words flew out of Arizona's mouth more like a whisper, but harsh and cold as ice.**  
**Callie stopped breathing and froze in her seat. Arizona looked Callie in the eyes and saw her break. Tears welled up in the beautiful black eyes and streamed down Callie's cheeks. When she slowly let out the breath she had held in, she began to shake.**  
**The hurt in her wife's eyes brought Arizona back to reality. **  
**_What just happened? Did I really say that to her? I've never seen her broken like this, not even when we had our fight in the bathroom a few weeks ago._**  
****"**Callie?" Arizona reached out her hand and touched the now sobbing Callie on her cheek, wiping the tears that fell from her eyes like raindrops from the sky.** "**Calliope, I-I didn't mean it. I don't - I don't know why I just said that. I am so sorry honey!" Arizona began to tear up as well.**  
**_How could I hurt Calliope like this? _she wondered brokenly. _She's my everything, yet I shout at her and say things I will never be able to take back. But why? I don't want to do it. It just happens, like I am someone else for a moment and don't have any control over my body or words._**  
****"**Callie, look at me!" Arizona took Callie's chin and pushed it up so that Callie had no choice but look into those blue eyes of her wife. "I don't know what has gotten into me, but you have to believe me that I could never hate you. I love you more than anything in the world. Maybe I'm sick or the stress of the last months is finally taking it's toll on me. I really have no idea what is going on with me today. I am so, so sorry honey. I love you!"

Callie still couldn't say anything. How? Why? What had she done to Arizona? Maybe Arizona was just exhausted because of the last few months, but exhaustion was nothing new and she had never acted like this before.**  
**Without looking at Arizona, Callie restarted the engine of the car. They had to get home, as they couldn't stay in the middle of the road for the whole night.

The silence during the ride home was the most horrible either of them had ever experienced.


	2. Chapter 2 - Demons

Callie was glad they made it home safely, though she couldn't say how she had been able to drive all the way home with tears blurring her sight and her thoughts everywhere but on the traffic. **  
**They still hadn't exchanged a word when they both slipped into bed.**  
**Arizona turned to the right, facing the window while Callie turned to the left, facing the wall so as to leave the biggest gap possible between them.**  
**Both of them silently cried themselves to sleep.

* * *

A shattering sound echoed through the house, waking Callie instantly. She checked the time – 3.30 a.m.- before she got up. **  
**She glanced at the right side of the bed, finding it empty.** "**Arizona?" Callie asked carefully into the dark living room where the sound had originated.**  
**There was no response.**  
****"**Arizona?" she asked again, this time a little bit louder, a bad feeling growing in the pit of her stomach.**  
**But there was still no response.**  
**Callie cocked her head to the side as she finally heard a noise. It was a strange sound, like if someone was knocking on a door very slowly.**  
**_What is that? _Callie thought and made her way towards the kitchen which seemed to be where the noise was coming from.**  
****"**Oh my God! What are you doing?" Callie screamed in shock when she saw Arizona sitting on the floor, hitting the back of her head against the kitchen wall, all the while maintaining the same vacant expression. Next to her were the broken pieces of a beautiful vase that had fallen, causing the shattering sound from earlier.

Arizona didn't even look at Callie. She stared into space, her blue eyes empty with dark shadows surrounding them as she continued hitting her head against the wall in a constant haunting rhythm, the moonlight casting her shadow across the tiled floor.**  
****"**Arizona, stop it!" Callie cried in horror. She had never seen Arizona like this. Hell, she had never seen anyone like this before. It was like in a horror flick where persons had been possessed by a demon or ghost and were no longer themselves...

When the blonde still wouldn't stop, Callie took her head in both of her hands and pulled her towards her chest to stop her from continuing to hurt herself.**  
**It was then that Arizona began to freak out. She began to lose it, her fists hitting the floor with loud thuds, the shattered pieces of the vase digging into her hands as she began to scream and cry.**  
****"**Leave me alone! Leave me alone! Leave me alone! Leave me alone!" she cried in a shrill voice Callie had never heard from her mouth before. It froze the blood in her veins and made her feel sick.**  
**Callie began to feel desperate and helpless as she didn't know what to do to bring her Arizona back to reality, and so she simply embraced Arizona with all the strength she had.**  
**They sat like this for about five more minutes until Arizona's screams turned into breathy moans and she soon fell into a deep sleep, falling limp against her wife.

* * *

Callie looked down at the broken woman in her arms with a worried frown and wiped away the tears that had streamed down her face once more. **  
**She then realized that Arizona had little pieces of glass in her hand and was bleeding all over the floor. **  
**She tried to get all the fragments of glass from Arizona's hand before she grabbed the towel fortunately hanging next to her, and wrapped it around her hand.**  
**Callie took several deep breaths before she stood up, lifted Arizona into her arms and carried her carefully to the bedroom where she softly laid her down on the bed.**  
**She ran her hand over Arizona's sweaty face and pushed away the wet strands of hair.**  
****"**Arizona, what's wrong with you?" Callie desperately whispered as she lay down next to her wife. She wrapped her arms around Arizona's cold body.**  
****"**I love you Arizona!" she quietly mumbled while a single tear rolled down the side of her face.**  
**Callie closed her eyes tightly, but couldn't forget the picture of her wife sitting on the kitchen floor and hitting her head against the wall.

* * *

Thankfully, after some time, the sound of the now peaceful breathing of her wife made Callie also fall into a deep sleep.

But Callie shouldn't sleep for long, until she realizes which substantial mistake she just had made...

* * *

**TBC...**

**Thank you so much for reading my story and for writing your reviews! :)**


	3. Chapter 3 - Hangover?

**This chapter is at least a little bit longer than the last one... Have fun! :)**

* * *

_Oh my God! _**  
**_Why didn't I think about this earlier?_**  
**_Crap, I'm a doctor! Why didn't I immediately check if the banging of her head had caused any damage?_

* * *

**"**Arizona?" Callie sat up and placed her hand on Arizona's shoulder, shaking her slightly.**  
****"**Arizona, wake up!" she said, a little bit harsher than intended, which made the blonde wince and groan.**  
****"**Zona, look at me!" Callie demanded when her wife still wouldn't open her eyes.**  
****"**Callie, what is it?" she answered sleepily while she slowly turned her head to look into Callie's worried eyes.**  
****"**Squeeze my hand Arizona!" Callie ordered while she grabbed Arizona's cold hand in her own warm ones.

_What? Why? Did I miss something? _Arizona thought, feeling confused. Though she did what Callie asked her to do and lightly squeezed her wifes hand.**  
**A sigh of relief escaped Callie's mouth. "How are you feeling?"**  
**_How am I feeling? _Arizona thought to herself. _It's 4 a.m.!_**  
****"**Tired," was the only word Arizona was able to say, her head still foggy due to the unexpected disruption to her sleep.**  
**However, despite Arizona's sleepiness, Callie needed to check her state of awareness and her memory, and therefore continued to ask questions. "Can you tell me what you did yesterday?"

_Ok, that's enough. She's starting to freak me out._** "**You're such a pain in the ass right now!" Arizona snapped.**  
****"**Just answer my question!" Callie demanded, ignoring Arizona's stinging words.**  
**_Why the heck is she talking to me like that? It feels like in a test at school, _Arizona grumbled internally.** "**We were at Miranda's wedding," she replied impatiently.**  
****"**Right," Callie couldn't hide the smile of relieve that spread over her face. But she continued, for she wasn't completely convinced yet. "Can you tell me where Sofia is right now?"

_She's driving me crazy, but her smile... it's heartwarming._** "**She's with my parents for a few days and probably sleeping at the moment, in a very comfortable bed, without a wife next to her who's asking stupid questions in the middle of the night!" Arizona replied, showing the hint of a smile.**  
****"**Yup, probably...!" Callie folded her arms, turned her head away and pulled a face, like a little girl who didn't get the lolly she wanted.**  
**_I love that look on her face! Like an offended 5 year old girl!_**  
**When Callie glanced back at her wife, both of them burst out laughing. There was every chance they would wake up the neighbours with their loud guffaws but they didn't care at all, especially Callie, who felt like the happiest person in the world right now. This situation had finally broken the silence between them and it melted Callie's heart to see those beautiful dimples again...

* * *

**"**Ouch!" Arizona hissed in pain, and Callie instantly stopped laughing and spun around to see her wife pressing both of her hands against her head.**  
****"**Arizona, what is it?" Callie turned around so that she knelt on the cover in front of her. Callie's heart broke when she saw her wife like this; her face contorted in pain, her eyes shut and her breathing irregular. **  
****"**It hurts..." Arizona sounded weak, as though she was at the end of her tether. **  
**Callie sprung to her feet. "Ok, that's enough! We will get you to the hospital right now." **  
****"**What? No!" Arizona replied and squeezed her eyes shut again, as the simple act of talking sent painful throbs through her head.**  
**_To the hospital because of a headache?_

When she opened her eyes once more she sounded stronger than she had a few moments previously. "Do you always run to the hospital after such a night?" she asked.**  
****"**What do you mean 'after such a night'?" Callie countered with a frown.**  
**_Wow, she must have a mental blank or something. How much did she drink? _Arizona thought to herself.**  
****"**Well, after celebrating and drinking that much, it's definitely normal to have a hangover the next day, don't you think?" Arizona snarled as she got up as well.**  
**Callie's expression showed a mixture of annoyance and concern as she replied to her wife. "Arizona, we didn't drink at all!"**  
**_What is she talking about? _**"**Of course we did! We were at the wedding a-and we ate a lot, we drank a lot and, and...!" Arizona stopped when she saw that tears flooding Callie's eyes. "What's going on Calliope? Why are you staring at me like I could have a heart attack any minute?" **  
****"**It's... we didn't celebrate the wedding yesterday," Callie told her.**  
****"**What? No!" Arizona gasped, slowly starting to shake her head.**  
****"**Miranda didn't show up, so we left after two hours of waiting." Callie couldn't hide her tears anymore. **  
****"**No, No! Stop! Callie, what are you trying to tell me?"_This can't be real... this must be a misunderstanding! What the hell is going on?_**  
**Callie took Arizona's hands and looked deep into the now wide open blue eyes, which were filled with panic, "Arizona, I think we should go to the hospital and let Derek have a look at you, okay?" She tried to sound as calm as possible to not frighten her wife any further. Callie expected getting yelled at again for no reason, but instead of that, all Arizona did was nod slightly and Callie wrapped her arms around the smaller woman. They stood like this for what felt like forever with tears rolling down their cheeks.**  
****"**We really have to go now!" Callie croaked out, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand and stepping back from the embrace. "Can you please wait on the couch until I get our shoes and coats?"

Arizona nodded and slowly started to walk towards the living room. When she was out of sight, Callie reached for her phone.**  
****"**Derek? It's Callie! I know it's your night off but I really need you to get to the hospital right now. – Yes, there's something wrong with Arizona! - Thank you, bye!"

* * *

It was 4.30 a.m. when they got in the car.**  
****"**Are you feeling any better Arizona?" Callie asked when they finally were on the empty street. **  
**_Something is wrong… Why is all this happening?_**  
**Arizona looked out of the window, watching the lights flash past the car and ignoring Callie's question.**  
**_Is this some kind of a stupid joke?_**  
****"**Calliope?" Callie winced. She hadn't expected to hear a word from Arizona after she had discounted her earlier question. **  
****"**Yes?"**  
****"**Why did you wake me up to check on me?" she asked, slowly turning her head to look at Callie's profile.**  
**Callie knew where this would be going. She could hear anger resonate in Arizona's voice.**  
****"**Well, I guess you can't remember what you did to yourself tonight!?" Callie began, trying to get a look at Arizona's face by flicking her eyes sideways briefly.**  
**_What I did to myself? This just keeps getting better…_

Before Arizona could say anything, Callie continued. "I woke up because of a shattering sound and saw that you were gone. I found you in the kitchen, sitting on the floor and…" But she wasn't able to finish her sentence as her throat began to constrict.**  
****"**Shut up!" Arizona burst out angrily. "Why would I sit on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night? Why are you telling all these lies?" **  
**It was hard for Callie to concentrate on the street and not to pull the car over to try and explain everything to her wife, but she needed to get to the hospital as fast as possible. To pull over would have cost them too much time. Time they may not have anymore…**  
****"**Arizona, how do you explain the wounds on your hand?" Callie asked, trying to keep Arizona from getting out of control again.**  
****"**I don't, I-I mean…", Arizona froze when she carefully looked down at her hand, which was still wrapped in a towel. It felt like a punch to the gut.**  
**_Oh my God, why didn't I notice this injury earlier? And how did I even get it? _

**"**No Callie! No, I can't remember how I got them," she cried, hitting her hand against the console in anger. "And you know what Calliope? It's really scaring the crap out of me right now." Her last sentence didn't sound angry anymore... her tone was filled with fear and desperation, which made Callie immediately grab Arizona's hand on the center console.**  
****"**Arizona, listen to me. We are going to find out what is wrong. And you'll be fine soon." Callie tried to sound as supportive as possible while she gingerly rubbed her thumb across the back of Arizonas hand. "Okay?"**  
****"**I hope you are right about this Calliope," Arizona whispered as she put her head against Callies shoulder. "I really hope you are right!" Callie could hear Arizona start to sob bitterly and felt burning tears on her shoulder, soaking through the fabric of her nightgown. **  
****"**We're almost there...!"


End file.
